Showing posts with label confidence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label confidence. Show all posts

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Less Grey, More Black and White


“Oh Grace, this doesn’t look good for you” I told the mare when I saw Sarah putting her spurs on while I tightened the cinch for our Monday afternoon lesson. Sarah undid the stirrup hobbles on my saddle so she could utilize the full length of the fender, another indication that she meant business; she usually keeps her feet free in my saddle because my midget length stirrups sit at least halfway up her calf. This lesson was my idea; Grace has spent the night at Sarah’s on Sunday after we arrived home from a horse show, and I planned to pick her up Monday after work, but wanted to get a lesson in to absorb what we had learned over the weekend. 

The biggest success of the show for me was my ability to stay present throughout each one of my classes, even the rail classes! We had a good ride Friday night considering how long Grace had been in the trailer that afternoon. I rode her again Saturday at lunch break, it wasn’t until the end of break that I noticed all the busy traffic I had been riding in. Trail classes were at the end of the day Saturday. When we entered the arena for trail schooling, Grace took over bringing up her head and dropping her back when she saw all the poles we were going to lope over. What the heck Grace? Where was the nice horse I was sitting on earlier? I took her back out to the warm up pen to get her back into her body before our classes started. Our trail runs went well especially our lope class; still Grace wasn’t “obedient” to my cues. She was still thinking for herself on pattern, I was just lucky that we had the same idea on most of the obstacles. On Sunday she warmed up well, loping off on cue as I prepared her for our pattern class. When I asked for the lope on pattern she let out a squeal, lifted her head and leapt into the lope. Really mare? 

 Sarah and Grace had several “Come to Jesus” moments during their Monday night ride. When Grace sped up without being asked Sarah made it clear to Grace that she has made the wrong decision. When Grace moved into pressure when Sarah asked her to move her hip, Sarah again made it clear that Grace needed to move off the pressure, when Grace dropped her back and lifted her head Sarah made her pick up her back and drop her head. I stood there impressed by Sarah’s timing, she knew exactly when to add pressure and when to reward. I watched as Grace’s expression changed from “I can’t possibly” to “oh, you mean this? I can do that”. Sarah now owned the mare’s feet it was her decision as to where and how fast they would travel. When it was my turn to ride I was pleased with how lifted Grace’s back felt. She was no longer dropping me into the hole that she makes out of the left side of her back. I was able to feel when the rhythm of her gait quickened and improve the timing of my corrections. I could feel the difference between when gave me her hip and shoulder and when she dropped a shoulder or swung her hip. Sarah had me push into my stirrups with the ball of my feet instead of my heel. She reminded me to make sure to bring the weight down starting from my hip. My low back immediately softened, as did my seat. My mare lifted her back into the space I had created and softened her foot fall. “Wow that feels really good! So that’s what stirrups are for” I shouted out to Sarah like I had just found the lost link. I had an equally good ride on Tuesday night before giving Grace and I a much deserved day off on Wednesday. I found that I was able to push Grace up into the bridle on Tuesday without her rushing off from my leg cue. She was lovely to ride; the word “obedient” came to mind. Her missing attitude allowed me to focus on my leg position and my seat. I found that when placing the weight on the ball of my feet it put my leg directly beneath my hip and allowed me to use my seat as an aid. In the lope I was unable to jam my legs out in front of me, they remained lined up with my hips and I was now free to use them to shape my horse. 

It is now very clear to me that I did not believe that my horse could do what was asked of her. When my horse drops her back or throws her head in the air when I ask for something my initial reaching is “oh that’s just Grace, she has a hard time with this”. I make excuses for her and then tip toe around her asking a question that she can answer. It seems that I have been changing the subject to avoid confrontation. While I am by no means advocating being rough with my horse or treating her unfairly my passive approach to her has been a disservice. I created the horse the takes over in the show ring by not asking enough from her at home. I also have not believed that I as a rider had what it took to be the leader that the mare needs. I often blame my body imbalances for her poor way of going and while my imperfections in the saddle defiantly contribute to her tension, I am amazed by how much easier it is to get in my body when my horse’s back is lifted and she is waiting on me. I no longer spend my ride anticipating that she will surge forward when I ask her to move a body part. I look forward to continuing this journey with a horse that is not opinionated or intimidated but who is a willing partner. For my part I will do my best to be clearer in my communication and I will start to believe that we really can accomplish the goals that I have set out before us.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Beating Myself with the Agenda Stick

I found myself getting emotional in the warm up pen at the show on Saturday. Grace and I were just not having the ride I was looking for. First frustration set in and then I felt the tears start to well up. Luckily no one from my barn was around and I was able to talk myself down. I have to ask myself –WHY? Why do I put so much pressure on myself? Why is hauling down the road to a show so darn important to me? And most importantly why do I not have confidence in the one thing that I put more time, energy and money into than any other area of my life?


I talk a lot about not having an agenda when it comes to my horse. I will be the first to tell you that I am not very good about walking my talk. Right now I have an agenda; I want to put AQHA points on my mare before I retire her. I plan to take her to an AQHA show in June that offers both rookie and novice amature classes. I didn’t realize when I put that idea in my head that I was carrying into every ride. Our rides at home have been going really well and I could actually see us getting there by June, but horse shows are not home. It started on Friday night at the show, I was having a lovely ride loping my mare one handed when I decided to go practice the lope overs for the trail pattern. There were 3 poles set on a serpentine that I had watched another rider practice. I headed for the poles just as Sarah entered the arena, she got there just in time to see me hollow my back and stick my legs out in front of my girth all  because I was going to lope a pole. My horse protested at the rider turned puma on her back and started to buck. Sarah told me to stop and pointed out what I had just done. She explained that this is exactly why she wants me in rail classes and not pattern classes right now, because I get so focused on my pattern that I completely change my ride and this is not the experience that she wants my horse to have. It was very clear that I was the one getting in our way. I went back and loped the poles one at a time keeping my low back soft and full. I ended the ride on a good note, but was still incredibly frustrated that I could not keep it together like the picture in my head.


On Saturday Grace just wasn’t coming together for me, I was continually fighting my body to stay soft and support her. I found myself looking at the other horse/rider combinations and asking myself why we didn’t look like them. When the emotional wave hit me, I had the thought that we will just never be that picture I have in my mind. It feels like when I see a drawing in my mind so clear, but only when I put pen to paper I remember that I cannot draw a straight line with a ruler. I wanted to quit, to just spend my weekends back on the trails and chasing cows, why do I torture myself in the show ring? I asked myself “So what? What if this is all there is and I Grace and I will never be that beautiful team I see in my head? What if a blue ribbon at a schooling show is it and there will be no points, no belt buckles, no perfected Western Riding or Trail Patterns, no clapping from the grandstands? What if all the mare and I have are this moment, right here right now?” I have to say with that question a lot of the pressure went away and I finally decided to just ride every stride. I went into my trail classes, let go of the obstacles and focused on what happened in between them. The novice class went really well, the 18 and over started out rough with lope overs, but I was pleased with how it ended. The walk jog classes never really came together, Grace felt flat and stiff and I considered calling it a day. I asked Sarah about it, she felt that Grace needed to lope and that all the jogging was locking her down. The lope classes were better, but it was still not the same horse I’ve been riding all week at home.


So where do I go from here? I know what I need to practice at home, more lope work over poles focusing on keeping my back soft and not riding the pole. I also need to unlock Grace’s shoulders at the lope each and every ride so I can have it securely in my warm up arsenal at shows. I heard what Sarah said about the pattern classes, but I am not willing to give them up just yet. I don’t enjoy rail classes, but I love pattern classes. My hope is that if I let go of the pictures in my head and stop comparing myself to the other riders I will be able to stay in the moment and ride each and every stride. I’m not ready to give up just yet. As for the show in June – it is in June so I’m just going to forget about it for now. At the end of the day I have to remember that I get to spend my time with my favorite horse, and some of my favorite people who accept me for who I am agenda and all.